I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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