IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?