so that wasnt chicken after all
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
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The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
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there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?