I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.