ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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