Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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