i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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