i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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