it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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