I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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