I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Ladies don't puke and tell
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
