im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
