just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
