"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My butt remains clenched, sir.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
