god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
