Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
