I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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