my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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