she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
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if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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