I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
