It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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