the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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