are you so shy because you have an std?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
