Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just google imaged poop.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.