He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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