the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
