I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
