I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
