the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
COCAINE IS GR8
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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