I can feel you judging me through the phone.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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