im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
