You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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