so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
