i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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