I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I have aggressive nipples.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
