my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
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