I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
