All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
