It's Friday. Sex?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
