five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
