So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
