the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
