Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
