from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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