Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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