i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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