He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
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I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
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If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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