genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
