Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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