I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
