my phone needs a breathalizer
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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