She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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