doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
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I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
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I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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