Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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