Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
