a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
