Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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