omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
