you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
