If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize