i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
