there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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