Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
