I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
