She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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