HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
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He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
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Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...