I'm so fucking centered right now
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.