Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.

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(917): Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard. http://tfl.nu/xsvt

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(208): View more from Idaho

Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.

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(208): Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes. http://tfl.nu/oxm0

Replies (5) Good night (775) Bad night (3069) Order T-Shirt
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(972): View more from Texas

Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world

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(972): Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world http://tfl.nu/83f8

Replies (36) Good night (7197) Bad night (1000)
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(404): View more from Georgia

Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis

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(404): Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis http://tfl.nu/8wlo

Replies (8) Good night (4091) Bad night (615)
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(646): View more from New York

Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.

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(646): Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too. http://tfl.nu/dkri

Replies (19) Good night (6789) Bad night (1502)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.

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(202): on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing. http://tfl.nu/q9c2

Replies (22) Good night (6015) Bad night (1221) Order T-Shirt
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(732): View more from New Jersey

Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?

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(732): Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra? http://tfl.nu/estf

Replies (10) Good night (2551) Bad night (538) Order T-Shirt
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(859): View more from Kentucky

No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.

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(859): No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks. http://tfl.nu/8h7o

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(260): View more from Indiana

She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.

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(260): She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son. http://tfl.nu/cl4b

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(307): View more from Wyoming

I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.

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(307): I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA. http://tfl.nu/w3eq

Replies (5) Good night (1567) Bad night (451)
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(313): View more from Michigan

They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.

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(313): They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks. http://tfl.nu/knfo

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.

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(902): So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend. http://tfl.nu/e1lt

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(734): View more from Michigan

nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox

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(734): nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox http://tfl.nu/ge10

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.

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(832): god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink. http://tfl.nu/rrfd

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(973): View more from New Jersey

My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.

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(973): My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late. http://tfl.nu/h56e

Replies (3) Good night (889) Bad night (177)

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