Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
